I'm slipping carelessly. Making really dumb decisions.
I should have left by now.
I should be far away. But I'm not.
I also probably shouldn't be reading H.P. Lovecraft. God knows it's not making this any easier.
Anyway, I'm really fucked. I have an opportunity to escape though. My dad and I are going on a trip to Sweden (Sverige!) for my birthday/graduation. He paid for a round trip, but half of that money might as well go towards me not going to Hell.
In the meantime, I've been hopping from friend to friend, sleeping on couches. Since I take the COTA bus and I'm a pretty independent kid, my mom isn't asking any questions I can't at least somewhat rationalize away. It's better than endangering her though.
A bit off topic time: I was around the interblags tonight and found a bit of info that led me to a certain website for some religious group or something. The info's poster was looking to fight them in some way. The info itself contained an admin username and 'password'. I wouldn't have tried them if someone hadn't confirmed that the password was actually a SQL injection (forgive my geekspeak here.) But I was too curious to see if the code actually worked.
...too bad it did. [admin / ' OR 'x'=x'] got me right in. Before the page even finished loading I realized what I'd done, and closed it. I also cleared my data, although I'm not sure if that actually would help if the sysadmin recorded my IP. I didn't do anything, but they could still prosecute me I suppose.
And yes, I am home, not at a friend's, so it is my connection they'd be tracing.
Probably nothing to worry about, buuuuut... I don't need two enemies against me, now. It just makes me nervous.
Tired. Post more later.
Sincerely,
Alexander.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
What The Hell Is Wrong With Me?
Yesterday, I decided to take a walk in the woods.
I could end my post now, as you probably know where it's going.
Anyway, I missed the bus down the main street and had to take a diffcerent bus, which lets off on the other side of the woods from my house.
Io know, I know. Dumb move.
But I just miss the woods so much. The house I was born in had a ravine behind it. At the bottom was a creemk. That creek runs all the way through town, and the woods that surround it were where I spent a good portion of my childhood. In that moment when I passed the trees, I just felt a longing for my childhood that I haven't felt for years. I missed the trees and the sound of the bierds chirping.
Especially blue jays. I miss blue jays.
I suppose I went crazy for just a second. But I couldn't tresist. I crossed all 5 lanes of traffic to where the path began near underpass of the bridge, heading north into the trees beside the creek- the same one I grew up on. The poath walked next to the water, and I considered going down to listen to the creek. I was only walking for about 30 seconds into the trees before things got bad.
First Iu noticed that feeling of being surrounded- Like standing in the middle of a crowd. Except I was all alone. I knew I had made a terrible mistake just then. I quickened my pace, knowing I could get out to the park just ahead if I hoofed it. Then... It's a bit blurry, but I remember things getting cloudy and losing my way. Then after what could have been 5 minutes or asn hour, I realized this- Kind of like waking up when you realize you're asleep.
I took one step towards the park (which wasn't that far away, surprisingly) before the trees all seemed to close in on me. And that's when He appeared.
The only option was back the direction I came. Which wasn't really an option either, considering how He travels. (Or at least how it seems He travels.) Nevertheless, I turned 180 degrees and stumbled away before regaining my footing, making a break for the bridge. I soon reached the underpass at my breakneck speed and made my way up to the sidewalk overlooking the creek. Out of the danger of the trees, I looked back in surprise.
He was just standing there, tall and calmly menacing, almost nonchalantly. Then, He showed his tentacles. After I broke my momentary gaze, I sprinted towards home, the moving image of those black arms of Death replaying in my mind over and over again.
Arriving at my front door huffing and puffing, I just hoped he wasn't waiting for me inside, or in the backyard or the garage or the shed or next door or anywhere any more because I just couldn't take it. I can't.
But I suppose it's better than the alternative- Whatever that is, exactly.
Stay safe.
Sincerely,
Alexander.
I could end my post now, as you probably know where it's going.
Anyway, I missed the bus down the main street and had to take a diffcerent bus, which lets off on the other side of the woods from my house.
Io know, I know. Dumb move.
But I just miss the woods so much. The house I was born in had a ravine behind it. At the bottom was a creemk. That creek runs all the way through town, and the woods that surround it were where I spent a good portion of my childhood. In that moment when I passed the trees, I just felt a longing for my childhood that I haven't felt for years. I missed the trees and the sound of the bierds chirping.
Especially blue jays. I miss blue jays.
I suppose I went crazy for just a second. But I couldn't tresist. I crossed all 5 lanes of traffic to where the path began near underpass of the bridge, heading north into the trees beside the creek- the same one I grew up on. The poath walked next to the water, and I considered going down to listen to the creek. I was only walking for about 30 seconds into the trees before things got bad.
First Iu noticed that feeling of being surrounded- Like standing in the middle of a crowd. Except I was all alone. I knew I had made a terrible mistake just then. I quickened my pace, knowing I could get out to the park just ahead if I hoofed it. Then... It's a bit blurry, but I remember things getting cloudy and losing my way. Then after what could have been 5 minutes or asn hour, I realized this- Kind of like waking up when you realize you're asleep.
I took one step towards the park (which wasn't that far away, surprisingly) before the trees all seemed to close in on me. And that's when He appeared.
The only option was back the direction I came. Which wasn't really an option either, considering how He travels. (Or at least how it seems He travels.) Nevertheless, I turned 180 degrees and stumbled away before regaining my footing, making a break for the bridge. I soon reached the underpass at my breakneck speed and made my way up to the sidewalk overlooking the creek. Out of the danger of the trees, I looked back in surprise.
He was just standing there, tall and calmly menacing, almost nonchalantly. Then, He showed his tentacles. After I broke my momentary gaze, I sprinted towards home, the moving image of those black arms of Death replaying in my mind over and over again.
Arriving at my front door huffing and puffing, I just hoped he wasn't waiting for me inside, or in the backyard or the garage or the shed or next door or anywhere any more because I just couldn't take it. I can't.
But I suppose it's better than the alternative- Whatever that is, exactly.
Stay safe.
Sincerely,
Alexander.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Preparation.
Do you know that feeling right before you wake up, when it seems like the whole world is going to end? I had a thought. Maybe in each of our dreams there is a world we exist in, if only for 4 to 5 minutes in terms of this world's time. But perhaps we're just the dream of someone else in a world encapsulating ours. And maybe they're part of another world's dream too. When you think about it like that, time really is forever. There doesn't necessarily have to be a top level; If you go down far enough (If you live an entire world in 4-5 minutes you'd miss the dreams, right?) maybe you'd come out the top again. Maybe even come back to your own world. Except we're stuck here.
Anyway, I can get a bit philosophical sometimes. See, some people have religion (See Hosptaller's The Hospital), some have alcohol (See about 60%-70% of the Slender Man blogs out there) and I have logic. Logic and music. Both calm me down and give me an escape. When I just don't want to think about Him (His visits have increased to the point where that featureless face sticks in my mind like glue when I close my eyes.) I ask my good friends Matt & Kim for help, or maybe that old magnificent bastard Tchaikovsky if I'm in the mood. When my thoughts start to drift, I let them. My brain goes some interesting places, which I can deliberate on, if my invisible audience is interested.
Between the music and the thinking, I've been reading up on my brothers in transit. The runners have a lot to say. And I mean A DAMN LOT. Seriously. There's so much out there about the damn villain you'd think someone would have found out something useful about him. But not so. Maybe if someone will figure out something, they're still reading through the metric fuckton of stories available. There are compilations, like COMPILETRUTH on YouTube, but they only serve to prove to the newcomer that we're not crazy.
Well, maybe.
Are we crazy?
I feel like if I keep looking, I'll find something helpful. Something to beat Him, maybe. I want to fight. The best way I can.
Knowledge is power, children.
I'll be on the run soon. Graduation is May 31st.
Sincerely,
Alexander.
Anyway, I can get a bit philosophical sometimes. See, some people have religion (See Hosptaller's The Hospital), some have alcohol (See about 60%-70% of the Slender Man blogs out there) and I have logic. Logic and music. Both calm me down and give me an escape. When I just don't want to think about Him (His visits have increased to the point where that featureless face sticks in my mind like glue when I close my eyes.) I ask my good friends Matt & Kim for help, or maybe that old magnificent bastard Tchaikovsky if I'm in the mood. When my thoughts start to drift, I let them. My brain goes some interesting places, which I can deliberate on, if my invisible audience is interested.
Between the music and the thinking, I've been reading up on my brothers in transit. The runners have a lot to say. And I mean A DAMN LOT. Seriously. There's so much out there about the damn villain you'd think someone would have found out something useful about him. But not so. Maybe if someone will figure out something, they're still reading through the metric fuckton of stories available. There are compilations, like COMPILETRUTH on YouTube, but they only serve to prove to the newcomer that we're not crazy.
Well, maybe.
Are we crazy?
I feel like if I keep looking, I'll find something helpful. Something to beat Him, maybe. I want to fight. The best way I can.
Knowledge is power, children.
I'll be on the run soon. Graduation is May 31st.
Sincerely,
Alexander.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)